I’M looking for someone who will do my cleaning, make sure the fridge is filled, collect the laundry and water my garden.

They must keep on top of my daily diary, ensure I always look the part, sort out a holiday or two and organise birthdays for both myself, family and my next door neighbour’s dog.

The successful candidate should also be a business genius capable of designing personalised mobile phone apps, while ensuring my global profile is continually enhanced.

While we’re at it you must be available 24/7, 365 days a year and always work through your lunchbreak.

All in return for a yearly salary the equivalent of which I earn in a week.

Any takers? Thought not.

Yet, Sunderland striker Jermain Defoe is seeking to employ a personal assistant for all of the above and more.

Premier League footballers are notorious for being out of touch and Defoe has staggeringly shown by just how much.

I must admit I checked the date when I saw this. Apparently it isn’t April 1st, Defoe appears to be wholly serious.

It would seem that he is either incapable of doing anything for himself or is just plain lazy. Unfortunately, I suspect it is the former.

The list reads like something a rock star or even royalty might require.

Not a footballer who has managed nine goals in his last 21 games, three of which came against League Two Exeter City.

He’s basically looking for a skivvy to do the job of an army of servants.

Good luck with that.

What he really needs is a serious reality check.