THIS week, Worcester saw a landmark for the victims of domestic abuse. The first domestic violence protection order (DVPO) was made at Worcester Magistrates Court – part of a pilot project in the south of the county which hopes to keep victims safe.
Here, one woman from Worcester tells her story of being a victim.
"I met my ex-husband nine years ago. Everything happened so fast, I felt like I’d been swept off my feet and my prince had arrived.
Within six months, I had moved away from my family to a strange place, living in his house and pregnant. I had given up work and was totally dependent on him.
The next five years were a blur. It seemed like I had entered a big black bubble which got darker by the day. The only bit of brightness was my baby daughter.
I had to change everything about me and do things I didn’t want to do to keep myself and my daughter as safe as possible. I was always looking for a pin to burst that bubble, so I could get out, but I couldn’t find it.
I became very inventive and imaginative with my excuses for my injuries.
Once, I had to go to the A&E because he had hit me and thrown me to the floor. He took me there, so I had to think fast as he was going to be there.
I was praying they would ask him to leave and ask me how I did it when I was alone. I wouldn’t have told them, but knew that if the question was asked, I would break down in tears and they would have known. They didn’t ask.
The emotional abuse was worse, ‘You fat lazy cow, you smell, don’t you think you should have a shower? Why can’t you be like her? You’re miserable!’ I could go on… He didn’t like my family. He always told me we weren’t a close family, that they didn’t support me. He never came with me to see them and I was only ever allowed when he was abroad with work. I went three times in five years.
He never helped with our daughter. In public though, he was “super dad” and would do everything.
The house had to be immaculate at all times. I would check the house over and over again to make sure he couldn’t complain. He always could, though.
He said often that I should be bringing money into the house. I looked into getting a job but every time I showed him one, there was a reason why I shouldn’t apply. He threw away my nursing portfolio and all my qualification certificates.
Then one day I started a college course. I went through a lot to persuade him that it was the right thing for me to do.
The course was a complementary therapy course and I would be able to help him with all the stress he was under.
To this day I don’t know where the power and courage came from.
I started the course in the October and the abuse got worse. I was going to college with awful bruises but everyone believed my stories. Things just got worse and one Saturday he told me he was leaving on the Sunday.
He had said this many times but always managed to talk me into having him back or I would be begging for him to stay.
But not this time. I even helped him put his clothes in his bag and off he went.
I then cried a lot, was in pieces and didn’t know what to do. Normally, I would have called him within minutes of him leaving but this time, I phoned a neighbour.
This was the first time I had told anyone and asked my neighbour to never let me get back with him – even if I was on my knees and begging.
She told me to phone my mum, who came down a couple of days later. The doctor was great and the locum health visitor was amazing. She gave me the telephone number of Stonham (a service for victims of domestic abuse).
It took me a good few months to ring them as I didn’t think my abuse was that bad.
Although the big black bubble had popped, the blackness stayed around me for years after. My eyes have been opened and I know now that I was abused on all levels.
The emotional abuse is the one that has taken me the longest to recover from. When you are told something often enough, you come to believe it. The bruises heal, the physical pain goes away but the hurt inside your head takes a lot longer."
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