TALKING of law and order, I was listening to a band at the recent Upton Jazz Festival when the concert was suddenly interrupted by a man who shouted: "Stop that woman smoking!"

I looked around the marquee on Fish Meadow for that tell-tale wisp of smoke. A steward, expression set in Sherlock Holmes mode, strode up and down the aisles like those Gestapo men in the Great Escape, her eyes darting from side to side. No luck. I tried to pinpoint the mystery heckler, but he too seemed to have vanished into thin air. Still, it just shows how far this country has fallen if we need a surrogate policeman to root out someone doing no more than having a crafty drag.