NOW let me get this right. If I were a smoker fancying a drink, gasping for a fag but also hungry, then I'd have to visit two pubs - one for a meal and another for a crafty drag.

The Government's latest bit of village tyranny will, of course, shaft the licensed trade even more. I have no doubt that many people dislike tobacco smoke, but there are those among us who don't share the view that lighting up is akin to eating your parents.

The strange thing is that when our rulers return to Britain after their three months of sloth in the summer, the habits of our continental friends never seem to have rubbed off. That is, apart from inducing the politicians' laughable daydream of creating a pavement society in this country.

But just look at the French, Spanish and Italians. They eat piles of grub, but are slim. They drink like poissons, yet are always pleasant. And they smoke their Latin heads off in restaurants and every conceivable public place.

It's as if obesity, liver damage and lung cancer had never been invented. Is there something we don't know about?