I'VE rather warmed to this idea of two more bridges for Worcester. It's about time someone calmed down and took a really long, intelligent look at the city's infrastructure and its problems.

Since making this city my home more than 20 years ago, I've been obliged - along with the rest of the populace - to listen to the presentation of one crackpot scheme after another.

From multi-coloured space stations to piles of dysfunctional Lego, the contents of the ultimate toy cupboard have often spread across these columns. Now, at last, we seem to have a plan with legs, or perhaps we should say supports.

Plans. Tricky fellows, indeed. And, of course, it's mainly men who draw them up. Architects, town planners... the whiff of testosterone is never far away when plans are being made.

True, there is the odd blip of padded shoulders on the planning radar screen, but it's still really a man's world.

So. As men are in charge, schemes vary from the impossibly grandiose to the terminally ludicrous. Indeed, I've lost count of the number of times this newspaper has pandered to the fantasies of a Roger, Crispin or Damien, big boys who have never got over the thrill of receiving a paint box for Christmas.

Now, that other preoccupation of boys is cars. Sadly though, you need space to play with them - and that's rapidly running out, as we know. Nevertheless, we still talk about the completion of a ring road for Worcester as if it will have no more effect than the setting of a few stepping stones on a back lawn in Bevere.

Now, this is where the bridges come in. For if this plan comes to fruition, it should - theoretically - cut a vast swathe through traffic congestion. For the first time, there would be a circular route that allowed pedestrians to reach any part of the city without retracing steps. And that means car use could be cut.

It's time we faced the facts that more roads mean more urbanisation means more congestion. What we want are more footbridges, not roads. Yes, lots of lovely bridges... they're the Worcester solution to a Worcester problem. Eureka!

is it 2005 or 1984?

HAVE you noticed how Orwellian Britain is becoming?

Consider the following.

I'm listening to the radio and some dolt with mid-Atlantic tones warns of the dire retribution that will be exacted against people who fiddle benefits. A while later, I switch on the TV and an asinine sing-song voice that informs me that should I be a student living in a bedsit with a telly without a licence, then expect a visit, matey. At midnight, no doubt.

Don't get me wrong. People should pay their way and - whenever possible - stand on their own two feet. But why have we become so, shall we say, retentive over the last few years?

Park in the wrong place and you'll be fined or clamped. One inch over that yellow line - we reported a case recently - and someone who should never be allowed within 100 miles of a uniform ruins your day. It's all stop this, stop that.

Yet - despite this supposed iron grip - we still can't sort out the perennial problems of louts running amok in Warndon or St Peter's. And across the country, tax rebel pensioners are flung into jail, while those of us who do pay up help to buy holidays for yobs.

It's a sign of the times. For the control freakery of Tony Blair, having permeated every corner and crack of his own party, has now spread like some awful dumpling-coloured blob, infecting the populace.

No longer great, we are now simply Grey Britain.

a britt of all right

LEGEND has it that when Peter Sellers first clapped eyes on Britt Ekland, he told a companion that he would marry her. And he did.

It's easy to see why the late comic genius was intoxicated by what the gutter Press might term a "Swedish stunner". Yes, let's talk pure, unashamed glamour here - she was a picture of utter loveliness back in 1963 and still is in 2005. Gasp.

But I had to smile when I learnt of Huntingdon Arts director Chris Jaeger's coup in signing her up for the Swan Christmas pantomime. I mean, Britt coming to Worcester... could you ever imagine in a million years the former Swan regime clinching such a deal?

The thing about Chris is that he's not just a man with a purpose, he's got the vision and imagination to go with it. He's driven a great whacking bus through the conventional wisdoms that held this city back for so many years. And do you know who have benefited from this? Yes. The people of Worcester.

The Christmas panto will hardly be high culture. But it will put bums on seats - and that will help to finance the more esoteric productions that also enrich the life of this city. For this is the relatively obvious entrepreneurial equation that has placed us firmly in the Midlands arts orbit - and it's all down to Chris Jaeger and his team.

Those who disagree might like to ponder on the state of live entertainment in Worcester had not the jolly fat chap in the appallingly tasteless braces made the Faithful City his home.