SO there we are, landlubbers cast adrift in an open boat (well partly open and not quite adrift!) negotiating the extreme tricky waters of the Avon River and clinging for dear life to our gin and tonics, whilst the skipper of our craft, The Pride of Avon, gave us first the good news, that if she decided to show off and do Titanic impressions we were equipped with a self-inflating raft at a depth of 12ft. The bad news (of course there always is some), was that we only had 10ft of water beneath us!

However, this recent Sunday afternoon cruise organised by the Malvern Wells Village Hall management committee, went off without a hitch, or even a sheep shank. Nobody was keel-hauled and the threat of mutiny only arose because of the unfounded rumour that the supply of Earl Grey tea had run out.

Professional wavers on boats travelling in the opposite direction made us feel at home on the water, and well trained herons stood erect and as still as guardsmen at various points along the way to lend a touch of the exotic to the journey. A lovely relaxing afternoon with just one tiny disappointment, we were never once called "Me hearties" or asked to "heave to!"

A cheese and wine party in aid of further village hall refurbishment is being held at Gloucester House, 6 Hanley Road, Malvern Wells, the home of Denise and David Murray-Mason, on Friday, July 6, from 7pm. The evening will also include a food and drink quiz, tombola and a lucky ticket prize. Tickets are £5, available from Malvern Wells Post Office or Barbara Savery on 01684 562904 or Brian Davis on 01684 569776.