AN American sports reporter once started his report "I went to a fight the other day and a game of ice hockey broke out".
It was a bit like that at Spring Lane on Saturday, after Malvern had coasted into a comfortable lead.
David Robins, director of rugby for Malvern, was scathing in his criticism of the Leicester-based visitors.
"A totally inept side who made no pretence at all of trying to play rugby," was how he described Belgrave after the game.
"Once they realised they were to be outplayed, they stooped to the lowest tactics, but this backfired on them as Malvern plugged away methodically. Twenty-one collapsed scrums is a statistic I hope never to see again.
"Darren Handy and Mark Gaubert were magnificent, we kept our unbeaten home league record intact and remain top of the league. We now go to Laurentians in Rugby next week for our toughest test of the season to date," said Mr Robins.
In between the sly kicks to the head and punches thrown on the referee's blind side, some rugby was played, all by the home side, who went ahead in the fourth minute through an Andy Longley penalty.
Man of the match, Handy, who is determined to make the hooker spot his own, worked his way over for a try after eight minutes, which Longley converted. Ben Ash then sped in, having been fed by Gareth Richards, for his debut league try.
Without moving into top gear, Malvern were clearly streets ahead of the opposition in terms of skill and continued to pile on the pressure, Sparrey charging down a clearance attempt to force a five metre scrum. Number eight Gaubert was unlucky when the referee disallowed the first of three tries for the back row colossus.
Steve Taylor soon made amends, crashing through in the 25th minute to give Longley the extra two points and Malvern a 22 point cushion.
Belgrave then started to mix it, having a player sin-binned for a punch on Alex Thomas. From that point on the game disintegrated as a spectacle.
The Belgrave full-back was sin-binned and half time came as a welcome relief.
Playing upfield in the second half, Malvern carried on where they had left off, camping out in the Belgrave 22 metre zone, the back row putting constant pressure on the Belgrave defence and forcing a succession of five metre scrums, most of which were collapsed, unpenalised, by the desperate Leicester front row.
Gaubert, in the thick of things again, was repeatedly kicked in the back and head while on the ground but answered by breaking to feed Longley, who scored and converted to put the result beyond doubt.
Gareth Richards became the focus of some off-the-ball activity as the game threatened to disintegrate totally, but Malvern continued to pile on the pressure and Thomas strolled through to add the final try and Longley took his tally to 16 for the day.
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