"BEHIND yer! BEHIND YER!" Yes, and in front, to the side and in front of "yer".

In front/behind/to the side of what? Well, your car, of course, as you try and drive home after a weary day at the office, or an afternoon spree round the charity shops in Malvern, and make the disastrous error of trying to drive past the matinee terminal at the whatever-they-call it now.

Coaches; I'll give you coaches. There they are, nose to tail like some modern version of circus elephants, all with their lights flashing, all stuffed with chocolaty-children or perspiring pensioners, trying to muscle their way through, while the milder citizens, who generally welcome the cultural chimera of the whatever-you-want-to-call-it, are trying to beat their weary way home.

Now culture is a great thing - no doubt about it - and it is perfectly possible that Jack and the Glass slipper is a wonderful crowd-puller from all over. Good on them. But why on earth is parking allowed in the near proximity of the main traffic lights in Great Malvern during the Christmas pantomime matinee season?

It only takes one 4x4 with obligatory crash bars, parked a smidgin askew, to create absolute mayhem as the 16 wheelers jostle for pole position to head towards the A449.

It would not take too much thinking to alleviate this seasonal problem and allow us all the freedom of the roads. Rather than Dick Whittington, these blighters are treating us like Dick Turpin. I may be on my high horse but I thought we all had equal access to the turnpike.

JOHN McCARRY, Wells Road, Malvern.