WHAT would we do without the hilarity of Howard Bellaby? His letter of March 5 'spankingly' hit the nail on the head.

To Mrs A Waugh, I too have been horrified by Councillor Tom Wareing's 'corporate parenting,' which for me conjures up a picture and atmosphere of a modern day workhouse. I see a 17th century preacher man and instead of fire and brimstone a corrective, authoritative - thou shalt not - regime. Tom would be in charge, of course, with an eight-foot cane.

Having read so many of his letters over the years I have yet to recall a line of humour, or a charitable: 'blessed are the weak (sic) for they shall etc.'

Never mind, I am excited to hear lap dancing is at last coming to Redditch. The company have just applied to the town hall for permission to use our famous roundabouts as a venue.

In Windmill Drive (where else!) and the Slough, workmen have just finished erecting 30ft shiny poles ready for the exotic dancers. Please let G Beck (Letters, March 12) know tickets are available from the first of the month.

Finally, a request to Howard - when I get banished to sin city (Birmingham), which is now to be twinned with Sodom and Gomorrah, would he please, please share my taxi cab?

B Latham

Headless Cross