HAS anyone else been struck by the serious outbreak of signitis, which has hit Malvern. Link Top in particular seems to be a hot spot for this nasty disease.

At Link Top there are no less than four signs to Leigh Sinton, which puts it well ahead of Worcester, Ledbury and other places in the signage order.

There are also five signs to the Cowleigh Road area.

The county councillor for the ward assures me that this is justified by the number of interesting and unusual shops in the area. I can only find eight shops including a sub-Post Office, a hairdresser and shops selling tiles and plumbing fittings, but no matter.

The prize for general bossiness goes to the Conservators. Anyone going to the Beacon Road car park en-route to the Beacon will be greeted by the following 12 signs: Please obtain parking ticket; pay & display car park; meter; authorised vehicles only; passing place only; have you paid and displayed?; welcome to the Malvern Hills, your car park fee goes towards the conservation of the Hills; no wheeled vehicles; have you paid & displayed?; authorised vehicles only; no wheeled vehicles penalty £500; have you paid and displayed your parking ticket. It's OK, we get the message.

There is also the curious case of the private schools in Malvern, each of which seems to warrant two or more signs. Presumably these are for the benefit of the parents although, if I were paying £16,000 a year, I would have made sure beforehand that I knew where my child was to be found.

We also have a hyperactive AA man at work in the Link Top area. Currently he is directing us to Malvern View and Fairoak Gardens. Some time ago he had me fooled into setting out for North Hill Gardens in the hope of seeing some interesting plants.

ALISTAIR MACMILLAN, Alexandra Lane, Malvern.