THE idea for this article was to expose the opportunities for a nerve-tingling, adrenaline-pumping adventure in Malvern.
My bright idea was to try this new mountain boarding lark, which seemed a great plan at the time. I'm no stranger to the world of 'action sports', having inline skated for a fair few years. But skating doesn't usually involve big dirt hills and malicious rocks aching to tear apart any foolhardy journalist that trifles with them.
Injuries are commonplace in this kind of activity, as was obvious when I arrived at Out to Grass in Cradley from the number of people milling around sporting plaster casts on various parts of their bodies.
Suitably armoured up, I was introduced to my board by site owner Ian Johnson and, to me, it resembled a skateboard on steroids.
Four wheels are attached to two sets of trucks attached to the board itself. Like a snowboard, tipping your toes down on the board turns the wheels one way, tilting back on your heels turns it the other way.
No problem, I thought, I've snowboarded before, the beautiful sun of the Italian Alps, the piste stretching out before me.
The extreme pain and the trip to hospital. The plaster cast on my arm. It was all coming back to me with horrifying clarity.
We trudged part way up the beginners' hill. My feet were wedged into the bindings, a quick shove from Ian and I was away!
After just a few yards, I leant too far backwards and collapsed awkwardly on my behind.
A couple of goes later and I was getting the vague idea. Using the hips, rock from toe to heel to carve beautifully down the slope. I got to the bottom in one piece, and it was on to bigger and better things.
Up to the very top of the course we went, to a hill considerably larger, and faster, than the last.
One of the fundamentals of mountain boarding is to keep your weight over the front of your board. Now that I was on a serious hill, I was beginning to feel uncomfortable with the, frankly, crazy speed I was going at and my natural reaction was to put my weight on my back foot.
This destroyed the little control I had, and the board began to wobble violently. Any chance I had of recovering vanished when the board veered sharply right, dumping me onto my elbow and embedding various things into my arm.
Still, if at first you don't succeed, then... This time I made it all the way down the first bit of hill without crashing. Then came a daunting series of steep S-bends. With carefree elegance and style I cruised around the first bend, leaned into the second and then fell at high speed!
Being a fearless kind of chap who feels no pain, I hopped back on and caught the lift to the top again. Ian was checking on other customers, leaving me in the helpful hands of Jed Hornyold, who despite his youth proved far better at mountain boarding than your less-than-able correspondent.
Jed gave me a few helpful hints and invited me to cruise down behind him.
All was going well until my lack of skill and co-ordination once again hurled me to the ground. Jed either didn't notice or was too embarrassed by my awfulness and sped off into the distance.
By the time I got back to the lift, with my back complaining bitterly and I called it a day. I hauled my bruised and scratched body back to the car, dreaming of a hot bath.
Mountain boarding is great fun and very addictive, but definitely not for the frail or fainthearted. If you want to progress you WILL get hurt at some point, but it's a great laugh and the people I met at Out to Grass were very friendly.
Rest assured, as soon as I can walk again properly, I'll be back.
Out to Grass is at Woodend Farm on the Bromyard Road. Details on 01886 880099.
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