A SAGGY midriff and marble white pins really do not offer much incentive to pour yourself into a skimpy bikini and stride purposely down a Mediterranean beach.

And to make matters worse, wherever you look, it seems the female foreign body is portrayed as toned, tanned and tantalising, leaving us mere Brits crying into our consolatory vat of cream cakes.

According to research by Slim.Fast, it's not just European football pitches which will see fierce competition this summer, but beaches packed with bronzed babes vying for the males' attention.

Its war out there, the survey says, revealing that British women would happily sacrifice career and dignity for a great beach body to rival their European neighbours'.

How much of this research can be taken with a pinch of flesh is unclear, but apparently, we Midlanders are twice as likely to worry about our bikini bodies than the Scottish.

It also appears that women in the region are so paranoid about their bodies they would prefer public humiliation than baring all in a bikini on the beach.

Two thirds of women from the Midlands would rather sing karaoke in front of 100 people or ask a stranger out on a date than step out in a two-piece.

More selfishly, 17 per cent of women in our neck of the woods would apparently miss their best friend's wedding in exchange for a great beach bod.

This is more than four times the number of women from the South East, of which only 4 per cent said they would sacrifice their best friend's big day.

Other results revealed that although Brits were keen to climb the career ladder and be able to afford the latest designer bag or sunglasses, one in five would sacrifice a pay rise or promotion in their job for bikini buns they were proud of.

A third of British women also reportedly spend more than three months preparing for the beach and compared the stress of baring all in a bikini with meeting their partner's family for the first time.

Nearly half of all women surveyed believe their partners look at foreign women on the beach because of their great bikini bodies (yeah, and.....) while more than a quarter of women worry particularly about the lure of Italian beauties.

One in five British women, meanwhile, said they were mostly intimidated by the Swedes.

Two Worcester women, however, don't quite share these views, saying that age brings confidence, irrelevant of any wobbly bits.

"I'm looking for a 50s style bikini at the moment," said 41-year-old Deb Friend. "I'm not embarrassed about wearing one in the slightest. It's a fact of life that men will look at women's bodies on the beach, but hey, I'll have a good look at the men too.

"Saying that, I have been going to the gym since September to prepare for my holiday."

Liz Freeth agreed that she wouldn't be put off by donning a bikini on the beach.

"I'll try and lose four or five pounds before I go on holiday by watching the calories and will wear a sarong if I'm going to the bar," the 35-year-old said.

"But I'm not insecure about my partner looking at other women on the beach. In my younger days I was more self-conscious, but not now."

In addition to the revealing survey, Slim.Fast's Let's Bikini summer campaign to help women look and feel more confident in just three weeks also entails a tongue-in-cheek advertising campaign, which hit billboards across the country last weekend.

The £2m advert features a series of teasers depicting French, Spanish and Swedish bikini-clad babes goading British women, before revealing a group of curvy but gorgeous Brits exhorting their peers to 'Fight them on the Beaches'.

The captions read, "I love British women...they make us look great," "British women are so brave...sharing the beach with us," and, "Face it, British women, it's not last year's bikini getting smaller" - which will apparently help us to conquer our phobias. Mmmmm.

The ads are sure to cause a stir, but hopefully the posse of confident, beautiful but normal-sized, shapely British women will persuade us to beat the foreign lovelies at their own game.

Come on.