AS a raw recruit in the local police let loose on an unsuspecting population soon after the war, I seemed to get in all kinds of scrapes!

One night, I was sent to my first family disturbance at a lodging house in Hylton Road where I could hear a verbal battle going on.

I banged on the door and a very irate and big chap answered. I lost no time in telling him to settle down, or else I would show him to his bed and breakfast accommodation at the Nick.

This option didn't seem to appeal to his nibs, and peace seemed to be bestowed to the household.

I kept a weather eye on the premises. Later, I was passing by when I heard the man say through an open bedroom window: "I'll know the little swine again. I'll swing for him - I'll throw him in the river!'

Well I didn't want the poor chap to swing on my behalf, so I made certain I kept a watch out for "chummie" whenever I was near his pad.

Prevention is far better than cure.

Another day I was sent to another marital battle where "her indoors" had already had a pasting and her other half didn't want to come and see his favourite cell.

We finished off wrestling in his parlour and believe me, I was getting the worst of it, and was going to suffer the same fate as his spouse.

Quick thinking was called for. I looked into the man's ear and said: "Hey, how about a minute's break like they have on telly?"

His whole body started shaking and he let out a roar of laughter - it was bout over, nice fag in the Panda car and the usual visit to the Nick.

So many memories, so many ghosts... but they are all friendly now and keep me amused.

JOE WALTER,

St John's,

Worcester.