THERE is only one golden rule when remaking an absolutely classic film.

DON'T. EVER. IT WILL NEVER WORK.

That is a lesson Joel and Ethan Coen need to learn - quickly.

And then they should be made to stay behind after school and write one thousand lines of "we will never destroy a classic film again".

This is appalling. And not even the presence of Tom Hanks can save it from being anything other than a dreadful film.

Ok, so I admit I am a massive fan of the Ealing Film Studios version - how can you better a film that has Alec Guinness, Peter Sellers and Herbert Lom to name but a few?

The Coen brothers drag the story kicking and screaming into modern day, when the band of crooks use the house of a big black "momma" to hatch their plot to steal millions - this time from a casino. Of course, they realise too late they have met their match...

There are a few nods to the original - Tom Hanks silhouetted through the front door, the classical music used to cover the crooks' tracks - but they just serve to remind you of what you are missing.

Give this a wide berth and go seek out the original instead.

SC