POINTLESS, silly and puerile, are the words which sum up the first of this double bill, presented in a joint venture between the Swan Playwrights and the Nonentities.

Shagathon, by Nicholas Corder, tells the story of Dave, who aspires to be the next Becks - but not as a footballer (see title!), and Vince, an ageing star who has to resort to taking a performance-enhancing drug.

There are funny moments, especially the scene where the masseuse tries to help Vince to regurgitate the tablet as he has to undergo a drugs test.

The characters are ridiculous, though well acted, especially Tim Charrington as Vince, Vicky Constable as the masseuse, and Darren Cheek as Dave, and the nicknames of former "stars" are the sort little boys who have just learned some rude words might have thought up.

The second play, Crisis Management by Martin Drury, is better. Yes, it is still loaded with words of a sexual nature but the characters are real people, and believable.

Again Mr Cherrington was impressive, as Bill Bangor, who fancies his secretary but will not be unfaithful to his wife, no matter how persuasive Penny, played well by Sinead Maffei, gets.

Bill looks at his life through flashback - old girlfriend, old school pal - and is especially influenced by Sister Augusta, who regularly drummed into her pupils the perils of indulging in sins of the flesh.

Her words come to mind when Bill's 15-year-old daughter stays out late at night, and wears a scarf at breakfast. He becomes obsessed with trying to protect her innocence, while she reminds him she is 15, to which he replies "15 is an age, not a reason".

Again the cast, a mixture of professional and amateur actors, was good, but James Creek stole the scenes as Sister Augusta.

Obviously these plays are not for children or anyone who is easily offended.

VJS