Jack Slone and the Epiphany Virus – Part 1

Doesn’t she ever get fed up of nagging me when she knows I won’t do whatever she’s asking me to do anyway?

I mean, I do love mum, I have to really but it’s just my family are so bland and in to routines. Nothing ever changes in my house. We even have a dinner rota for goodness sake. Now that’s getting obsessive if you ask me. It’s not like being rude or anything I just don’t want to be a part of something so boring and robotic. That’s why I spend so much time up here in my room on my computer these days. I’m not one of these computer nerds as people may say and I don’t sit in dodgy chat rooms or go on creepy websites. I create my own.

I don’t really have many loves in my life except for music, my computer, those Oreo biscuits and my guitar. Listening to music can just set you free. Sometimes if you’ve had a really bad day and you turn on the radio the whole room lifts. It’s like a surge of life and buzz that makes you smile. I don’t smile that much anymore. Not since dad.

My dad passed away four years ago after being in a car crash on the M6. It was a usual Friday evening. Dad had rung saying he was stuck in traffic, mum had the tea on and me and my sister Hannah were arguing about who had the TV remote or something stupid like that. Mum was getting worried when dad hadn’t rung back, she kept trying to get through to him but there was nothing. Then in happened. The phone rang, echoing around the house. I remember running to it thinking finally he is coming home. But it wasn’t. It was a police officer asking whether my mother was home. Once mum had the phone her face crumpled up as she slowly slid to the floor. The phone was discarded on the bare kitchen surface. I picked it up to hear an officer saying “He was rushed to A&E but we couldn’t save him. I am so sorry”. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to experience. Seeing my mum slumped on the floor howling like a baby. I had to tell my sister dad was dead, it felt like I’d killed him seeing the tears welling up in her beautiful blue eyes. I remember that evening, clear as anything and I don’t ever want to forget it either. It was the moment I saw what family was and now I realised just how lucky I was to have such an amazing father like mine.

After that nothing really mattered. My whole life just shifted into auto pilot. I spent months grieving about my father. Everything I did or saw seemed to relate back to him and I became a sad, lonely child. Things got worse though. As I got older I saw the unfairness of my father’s death. I used to get angry and curse the driver who had rammed into the back of him, saying I wanted him dead. I remember blaming my mum for not having my dad around and hitting out at her. Once I punched my bedroom wall so hard in rage I broke one of my knuckles. My mum had rushed to hospital where the Doctor described me as a “hard, aggressive eleven year old”. This didn’t stop though. I lost my friends because I used to get angry when they talked about their dads. I used to flinch whenever someone mentioned their father. People used to take the mick out of me calling me an orphan or saying I’d punched my dad to death. When I went up to high school I had no friends. I was bullied for being thick or stupid and when I lashed out at the bullies I got excluded or punished for my aggressive actions. My mum gave up on me. She let me do what I wanted; I didn’t think she cared anymore. I used to smoke and get involved in crime. I didn’t want to; when I looked back on it now I think it was a cry for help to get my mums attention again. Mum kept it together in front of people but beneath the surface you could see she was in pieces. I used to hear her crying at night when thought no one was awake; she’d sit in their room just looking at his things. Hannah coped OK I suppose. She was heartbroken but she was very good at hiding her feelings even if she was only seven. Our family had kind of fallen apart and as all our grandparents were dead we had no relief.

Things did change and we got through it. It did take a lot to stay positive but once you’ve had a big hug off mum everything seems so much better. It’s still never got back to normal though. I’ve never gotten anymore friends. My mum hasn’t got married again because she has always said she never wants to replace dad and my sister, who is now eleven had just started high school seems to be making the most of her education. My mum is so proud or her. I just wish she could be proud of me too.

Now I spend more and more time in my room on my own. Mum says I’m losing my friends because of my dependence on the internet but I don’t care. I never had any friends to lose. Now the whole world can feel the same as how I do when I listen to my music. I’ve always wanted to go down in history. I’ve never known what way though but now I think I’ve found it. I have created something that people can have without having to leave their rooms. Something that will change people’s listening experience forever. Something amazing.

By Cara Hegerty