AT a recent meeting I was discussing how difficult it can be to fundraise for an organisation that deals with such a sensitive issue and how people shy away from the topic, particularly when we are talking about the abuse of children and how we support those as young as five.

One attendee made a comment that stopped me in my tracks.

He said: “The problem with organisations like yours is that you come across as believing that all men are rapists and perpetrators.”

We looked at each other as his words hung in the air.

He went on to tell me he wasn’t a rapist but a good father, husband and had many friends.

We looked at each other again. The quote he was referring to is largely attributed to the feminist Andrea Dworkin when she said “to a woman, all men are potential rapists” but the context and meaning has got lost in translation.

What she meant was if you are a woman walking down the road alone you do not know if the man coming towards you is a good guy or a potential rapist. So you remain wary.

Obviously not all men are rapists but the fact remains that most rapists are men and this is still true when the victims/survivors are men and boys.

Not all men are harassing women and girls in the street or practising misogynists who hang out of white van windows and seek to intimidate.

Not all men are perpetrators of domestic abuse or murderers but the vast majority of those who perpetrate these crimes and behaviours are men.

As an organisation that also support men and boys, it is clear to see the damage that male violence has on them.

In July 2024 the National Police Chiefs’ Council and College of Policing released their National Policing Statement outlining the scale of violence against women and girls (VAWG), deeming it a ‘national emergency’.

They found that 3,000 crimes of VAWG are recorded each day with at least one in 12 women becoming victims each year.

Given that most victims do not report to the police, the true number is likely much higher.

Perhaps most disturbingly, they considered that one in 20 people are estimated to be perpetrators of VAWG per year with the actual number thought to be significantly higher.

So, no, not all men but enough men to make sexual violence and violence against women and girls and men and boys an epidemic.

Just saying you are not abusive is not enough.

We all need to be actively challenging and addressing behaviours and actions, not just standing by and letting it happen.

Men get away with abusive behaviours because the ‘good guys’ let them.

You need to be active, to challenge your mates, to say that it’s not acceptable, not just shrug it off as ‘banter’.

It’s not harmless fun when women and girls are constantly on edge and hypervigilant.

If you are not actively challenging this and wanting to make the women and girls in your life feel and be safe, then you are part of the problem.

Click on www.wmrsasc.org.uk to make a referral, donation or learn more about the work that we do to support survivors.

Our columnist Jocelyn Anderson is CEO for the West Mercia Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Centre (WMRSASC).