I realise this is the test that will probably prove the most divisive, but bear with me.
The UK is well-known for an abundance of things worldwide: Fish and chips, Brexit, The Beatles, James Corden (with regret), Harry Potter and most importantly, tea.
Although tea contains caffeine, unlike coffee us Brits will indulge on a brew at any time of the day and more importantly, in any circumstance.
Sad? Brew, Happy? Brew, Angry? Brew, Tired? Two brews.
Some studies suggest it is the actual tea-making ritual, whether for yourself or someone else (ha, hardly), that is relaxing.
Not too dissimilar to the whole 'what do you call a bap/barm/roll' debate, arguments over the best cup of tea could ignite a civil war on our shores.
According to Statista, these are the most popular brands of tea in the UK:
- PG Tips
- Yorkshire Tea
- Tetley
- Twinnings
- Typhoo
I am adamant that Yorkshire Tea is without a doubt the best brand of tea bag that money can buy. I can definitely, definitely, definitely tell it apart from other teabags, even whilst blind testing. Definitely.
So, let's put that to the test then shall we?
In the interest of fairness, I went to a tea rehab for 24 hours and detoxed in order to prepare for the 7 cups the following day.
To see what others thought, I invited my dad and nan to blind test with me whilst my mum was assigned the role of tea maker. Some things will never change.
Our handy travel tin lets you take your tea with you - so you'll never have to drink a bad brew again! https://t.co/wr3omZ0PxU pic.twitter.com/hPbnmWxaOY
— Yorkshire Tea (@YorkshireTea) August 31, 2023
Scientists at Northumbria's School of Life Science have discovered that the key to the best-tasting brew is to let it sit for six minutes before drinking. However, my mum plays by her own rules entirely.
I don't care what you say, milky tea is pointless, a dash will do, as will one sugar.
Here is what we found out:
Tea number 1
Dad: "Tasteless, looks alright, tastes cheap though."
Nan: "Not a fan. Tastes poor and slightly watery."
Me: "Not nice at all, tasteless. Cheap builders tea."
What was the tea? Tetleys
We were not too surprised by this. None of us have ever been massive fans of it and to be honest, probably haven't had a cup for some time. Won't be rushing to have another.
Tea number 2
Dad: "More taste than the last one but still a bit mid-range to me."
Nan: "Can definitely tell the difference to the last one, not bad, tastes quite nice."
Me: "Certainly tastes different to the last one. Still rather bland though, not getting that 'teaness' just yet. Again, not a proper brew."
What was the tea? Aldi
My dad and nan were happy to hear this, as we're all strong advocates for all things Aldi. I, however, was rather disappointed.
Tea number 3
Dad: "Very similar to number 2, but has more taste come through. I like this one." - his favourite overall
Nan: "Once again, not bad. It isn't near the best but I don't begrudge a mug of this."
Me: "That's a nice brew that. The best so far but for some reason, I couldn't taste a grain of sugar in it."
What was the tea? PG Tips
Again, none of us were too surprised to hear this. We're not complete tea ponces and won't look down our noses at a PG Tips once in a while, so, quite content with that.
Patrick is clearly a PG Tips drinker! #EastEnders ☕️ pic.twitter.com/edZrd6mcoI
— Martin Fowler’s Vegbox (@MartinFVegbox) August 22, 2023
Tea number 4
Dad: "Nah, not for me. Not as bad as number 1 but still slightly watery."
Nan: "Yeah I'm a fan of this one. Good taste." - her favourite overall
Me: "The first sip was really good but, bizarrely, the second was horrible?"
What was the tea? Tesco
This was the last of the supermarket tea bags, and we collectively thought both had held up reasonably well.
Tea number 5
Dad: "Watery, no flavour, not a fan of this."
Nan: "This is ok-ish. Quite watery and no flavour punching through. Getting a bit sick of tasting tea now if I'm honest."
Me: "S****. Watery as hell, this is definitely Tetley or something similar. I didn't finish."
What was the tea? (head in hands here) - .....Yorkshire
Well. What a complete fraud I am. I actually couldn't believe it, neither could my dad or nan. This took us by complete surprise and we immediately pointed the finger at my mum for being a shoddy teamaker rather than admit our own failings.
I'm sorry Yorkshire, I'm sorry.
Tea number 6
Dad: "Tastes cheap and one of the worst. Not a fan by any stretch."
Nan: "No flavour to this one. Last one? Feeling funny headed."
Me: "Watery as well. I'd say a cheap rubbish one. Not a fan and again I didn't finish."
What was the tea? Twinnings
The most expensive brand perhaps tasted the cheapest, imagine my shock. None of us are a fan of Twinnings really, or breakfast tea from hotels, so were not that surprised.
Tea number 7
Dad: "Tastes very light to me but there is some flavour coming through."
Nan: "Watery and no flavour. I'm starting to see things, can we stop now?"
Me: "YORKSHIRE!!! 1000%, I'll bet my student loan on it."
What was the tea? Typhoo
Typhoo?!?! B****y Typhoo is my favourite tea?! Aside from increasing my debt significantly I was left feeling somewhat ashamed.
My dad and, by this point fainting grandmother, were both equally amazed. Placebo is real folks.
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