"I didn’t think I would ever be able to cope without him, but I know he’d be proud of me for all I have achieved since he’s been gone."
Those are the words of a woman who lost her husband when she was just 48, who has told the Worcester News how she found new purpose in helping other widows.
Ruth Rowlands, of Worcester, was widowed on November 12, 2013 when her husband, Harry, died aged 70.
She told the Worcester News: "I met Harry at work in 1987. He was the boss and I was his secretary – very stereotypical, but I fell in love with him the minute I saw him.
"We were both married at the time. In 1992 his wife died, and my own marriage crumbled shortly after. In 1996 we moved in together and the next year we married. It was a lovely day, our reception was held in the restaurant where Harry had proposed.
"We were married for 15 years. 22 years my senior, Harry was the kindest, loveliest person in the world.We had a wonderful life together. He made me feel so very loved. We travelled a lot; we enjoyed many holidays together. Harry played the bass guitar in a rock n roll band. I used to love watching him on stage from the crowd, he was just so cool."
Harry was diagnosed with lung cancer in November 2010, which was also the year he lost his brother.
Mrs Rowlands recalls: "It was very tough for Harry. He had a tumour on his knee and had to undergo a knee replacement as well as chemotherapy. He was stuck in a wheelchair and became very bitter, angry and depressed. He was a very active man, he played tennis and found it very frustrating when his mobility was restricted.
"We tried to live our lives as normally as we could. Harry hated it when people treated him differently because he was poorly.
"The cancer took over his body in 2013. We set up the dining room with a bed and brought him home from hospital. He spent six days at home surrounded by friends and family.
"I remember the weather outside the windows being beautiful for those six days.
"It was really difficult, he was not well, and on all sorts of medication, he withdrew from me when all I wanted him to do as tell me he loved me.
"He died with me and his two children by his side."
Mrs Rowlands sought comfort in the years after his death in friends she met through Widowed and Young (WAY) in Worcestershire, a charity which supports people under 50 who have lost their partner.
"You feel so alone, so totally alone, like there is no more future – it is like looking straight into a black hole," she said. "The person you were supposed to be spending your life with is gone and now you don’t know what your life looks like anymore.
"It is not the same as losing a partner at 70, it is very hard to really empathise with the desperation you feel unless you have experienced it first hand.
"Before a friend found WAY for me I had been sitting rocking in a chair for months. If I hadn’t joined Worcestershire WAY I would probably still be there.
"It has completely transformed my life – the charity gave me lifetime friends. I moved to Worcester because of these incredible friendships. Having the support of people who have been through the same experiences is so important.
"I am also a member of WAY WOCS (WAY members without children) – this group has given me the chance to meet so many people and has given me the confidence to go on holidays again.
"I am moving forward now. My house is full of pictures of Harry and I am slowly but surely adding new pictures of my life now with my wonderful friends from WAY.
"I didn’t think I would ever be able to cope without him, but I know he’d be proud of me for all I have achieved since he’s been gone."
To find out more about Widowed and Young visit: www.widowedandyoung.org.uk
Mrs Rowlands WAY tree featuring Harry on a bauble, won the People's choice award at the Worcester Cathedral Tree festival last week.
Mrs Rowlands has also recently set up a support group on Facebook called Fabulous Over Forty (Worcestershire)
The group is open to all women over 40, and has members who are married, divorced, single and widowed.
If you've been widowed at a young age and would like to share your story, email reporter Jemma Bufton at jemma.bufton@newsquest.co.uk
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