IT's that time of year again, when The Source goes all festive and dishes out presents for our political masters in the way only a wretched Santa can.
With that in mind, here's our very special list - ho, ho, ho!
- A new cuddly teddy bear, with fangs to scare off thieves, for Worcestershire County Council's Labour group
- A calculator, for Worcestershire's MPs, so they can see just how far away the county is from ever getting fair school funding
- A hypnosis expert to assist in the 2017 elections, for Cllr Alan Amos, so he can try and brainwash Bedwardine's true blue voters before they Google his Tory-bashing eccentrics of recent years
- A bank robber, for Cllr Simon Geraghty, County Hall's leader; surely the only way he'll be prising £75 million off anyone to dual the blasted Carrington Bridge
- A new chairman, for Worcester Labour Party, to replace the interim one holding the large scythe with the words 'Momentum' scribbled on it
- A year's supply of treacle, for Cllr Marcus Hart, cabinet member for highways at County Hall, so he knows what it's like trying to wade through Worcester's gridlocked roads
- A year's supply of orange juice, for ex-County Hall leader Cllr Adrian Hardman; handy the next time he considers having 'one for the road'
- An election bribe for Baron Fullstop, from Worcestershire's Monster Raving Loony Party branch, to win a seat at County Hall in May
- New jobs, for Worcestershire UKIP MEPs James Carver and Bill Etheridge, who have talked themselves out of gainful employment from 2019 onwards due to Brexit
- A book called 'How to Blackmail People', for Worcester MP and Brexit minister Robin Walker; probably the only way we'll get the deal we want from Brussels
- A box of bedraggled red, blue and green scarves, for all 35 Worcester city councillors, so they can prepare properly for the committee system
- A spot on Strictly Come Dancing 2017, for Mid-Worcestershire MP Nigel Huddleston, so he can become the Conservative's answer to Ed Balls
- A guide to plain English, for the elected officials who still drone on endlessly with terms like 'place shaping', 'task and finish groups', 'tool kits', 'sustainable commissioning', 'cumulative revenue budget efficiencies', etc.
- A stylish new hat, for Cllr Simon Cronin, so our readers can stop taking the mickey out of him
- A toy train set, for either the county council or Norton Parkway Developments, given that only one can actually build Worcestershire Parkway
Merry Christmas!
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