EVERY parent knows that most adolescents turn into Harry Enfield's infamous Kevin the Teenager around puberty.

But few of them have any idea how to deal with the mood swings and utterly disrespectful behaviour of their terrible teens - let alone how to get them off the computer and tidy their bedroom.

These teenage creatures seem a world away from the trying toddlers they were just 10 or so years before. But the reality is their brains are going through a growth spurt similar to that a toddler experiences - the difference being that it's not in the part of the brain that affects skills like co-ordination and balance, but in the section that controls emotions, understanding other people's sensitivities, risk-taking and judgement.

So that explains why it's happening - but it doesn't make teenagers any easier to live with. A survey released alongside a new book - Teenagers! What Every Parent Has To Know - found that the biggest concern parents of teenagers have is their attitude towards family members (53.2 per cent), closely followed by their mood swings (44.7 per cent).

The author of the book, Rob Parsons, says: "This is a time of their lives when teenagers are growing into independence, but they still need their parents.

"They're experimenting on their parents with what works in life.

"Fight as few battles as you can and, although there may be a number of things that you want to have a go at them for, only make an issue of the really important things.

"That way they'll know you mean it, instead of just thinking that you're getting at them all the time."

Rob warns parents that the time to lay the foundations for dealing with teenagers is years before they reach puberty, advising: "Read a book on teens when your kids are young, because when they're 15, the best chance of getting them to help out is when they respect you."

It's a sentiment echoed by psychologist Dr Pat Spungin, who has also just written a book on teenagers, the Haynes Teenager Manual.

Pat says: "Despite their behaviour, the majority of teens want to be friends with their parents underneath it all."

QUICK FIX: SIX STEPS TO A HAPPIER HOUSEHOLD

1. Treat your teenager as an adult friend

By the time your child is 12, start working on developing the kind of relationship you would like to have when he or she is an adult.

2. Avoid criticism about 'no win' topics

Every family has sensitive issues they can't agree on, but constant criticism about the way your teen dresses or the music he or she plays won't gain any ground.

3. Let your teenager learn from experience

Be supportive, but don't always bail out a teenager whose bad decisions lead to trouble. Teenagers need plenty of opportunities to learn from their mistakes.

4. Clarify the house rules

You have the right and responsibility to make rules regarding your house and possessions. Writing down the rules helps cut down on misunderstandings. You might tolerate your teen's preferences within his or her own room, but not throughout the house.

5. Give space to a teenager in a bad mood

When your teenager is in a bad mood, he or she generally won't want to talk about it. Give them lots of space and privacy at such times.

6. Provide an example of how to act when angry

Expect some response but don't tolerate rudeness. Teenagers need to learn how to express anger through talking and to challenge your opinions in a logical way.

TOP 10 TEENAGERS' PHRASES

1. "It's so unfair."

2. "You are ruining my life."

3. "But why can't I go to (nightclub/bar/rock concert). Everyone else is."

4. "You have no idea what I'm going through."

5. "It's my room - why should I have to tidy it?"

6. "But everyone else has got a new mobile phone."

7. "I'm not hungry."

8. "I'm going to my room."

9. "Do I look bovvered?"

10. "Whatever..."