WHEN John's ex-wife abused him, both physically and mentally, he didn't know where to turn for help. "If I'd have told my friends that she'd punched me in the face, they would have laughed me out of the pub," he says.

"Likewise, if I'd admitted she'd thrown me out of the house on Christmas Day."

But eventually, after years of suffering, it was actually her that gave him the answer to his problems.

"She was an alcoholic," John, from Pershore, said.

"When she eventually decided to sort herself out, she went to Alcoholics Anonymous and it was there she heard about Al-Anon - a support group for friends and family."

Although it is 10 years since the 57-year-old car valeter and his wife split up, John still remembers clearly what it was like living with someone with a disease'.

"When we got together 18 years previously, I thought she was just a social drinker," he remembers.

"If ever we went to parties or weddings we had to be kicked out - she'd always be the one propping up the bar.

"Then the drinking got heavier - bottles of Diamond White in the morning, and drinking beer into the night. But she wasn't a drunk who fell about - she was what I call a functional alcoholic.

"I only knew that she was an alcoholic when she admitted it to me. She said I could either leave, or stay and help.

"I was in love with her and chose to stay - but I know now that was a mistake."

John said living with her was chaos and his life became totally unmanageable. "I felt used and nothing I did was ever right," he said. "Her alcoholism shattered my life because I had no self-worth."

But he started going to Al-Anon and things started to become clearer.

"I was nervous at first but after just a few sessions of talking to other people who had walked down the same path as me I felt so much better," he said.

"I felt like I belonged and that these people knew me.

"Al-Anon doesn't promise that the relationship will survive or that you will work things out but it does promise that your life will return to sanity.

"For me, that meant leaving the relationship even though I was still in love with her. Al-Anon was a new beginning and I wan't prepared to be a doormat any longer. I wasn't prepared for her to abuse me any more."

That was 16 years ago and Al-Anon helped so much, that John is still an active member and attends the weekly meetings on Sunday mornings in Worcester.

"Al-Anon teaches you that you've got choices," he said. "It gave me the strength and courage that I had a right not to accept her behaviour.

"My main purpose of going now is to carry the message to others that may benefit from Al-Anon."

John, who calls alcoholism an "insiduous disease that destroys families" said he tried to stop going to Al-Anon meetings 10 years ago after divorcing his wife, but that his life still has a tendency to descend into chaos.

He is now in a new relationship but admits that he can still act strangely towards his new partner.

"The effect of my last relationship left me emotionally insecure and vulnerable," he said.

"But Al-Anon keeps me grounded and has made me realise that I can change that and have hope."

And if there is anything that can prove that Al-Anon has helped John get his life back on track, it is the fact that he proposed to his partner this week and is to re-marry.

"It is Al-Anon which I owe my life to," he said.

AL-ANON: The facts

Al-Anon has been helping families and friends of alcoholics worldwide for more than 50 years.

It started in the US in the late 1930s as informal meetings by a small group of the close relatives of recovering alcoholics. Al-Anon came to the UK in 1951 with the first group in Belfast.

Since that time, Al-Anon has grown in the UK and Eire into a network of more than 900 self-help groups. They continue to attract new members every day of the week. Al-Anon is non-religious, non-political and multi-racial.

Al-Anon is and always has been freely available to anyone who is or has been affected by someone else's drinking, including adult children of alcoholics, parents, partners, spouses and other relatives or friends of alcoholics.

Alateen started in the UK and Eire in 1964 and is for teenagers between the ages of 12 and 17.

Over the years, many members have said that, without Al-Anon, they would have found living with the effects of someone else's alcoholism too much to deal with.

Al-Anon meets every Sunday morning at 10.15am at the YMCA, Henwick Road, Worcester. For more information on Al-Anon call 0207 4030888 or 01386 550590.