I AM typing this column after what seems an age long gap between this and my last rant. I returned from the family holiday to Turkey last Friday morning, and although I took the lovely weather over there with me, I failed to bring it home, so for that, I am sorry.

However, the break has provided me with plenty of fabulous material for my next rant.

Before I say anything, I appreciate that many holidaymakers are very excited about their travels and will even express that at top volume 3am on a flight.

I am even understanding when some people scream loudly at their children from around the swimming pool.

And I try to understand why some people don’t attempt to hush or pacify their screaming children in restaurants.

However, one thing I do not understand is why these people are always British?

I would say I’m quite patriotic – I’ll sing the national anthem when the rugby is on – but this British behaviour abroad tests my commitment to Britain.

On holiday, we’re the worst. If I was ever in any doubt before, any of that remaining doubt disappeared at 3am on the plane on my way over to Turkey when a boy in front of me – who was probably about my age – started shouting. “Partaaaaaay in Turkaaaay”.

I could have strangled him. His parents, however, chuckled, and turned over to get some sleep.

Then I found that if ever you could hear raised voices while wandering out in the town, it would more than likely be an English family having a row over something irrelevant.

It’s really embarrassing that this is the image that the Turkish people and others must have of us.

One of the best ventures of the holiday was to a small but beautiful beach with a few of the Turkish friends my brother and I met.

It was better for not being packed full of Brits swearing, smoking and screaming at their children.

I know it’s a minority of people, and that the majority of us are lovely and gracious, and control our children in restaurants but those who don’t really, really shouldn’t be allowed out of Britain in future.